I sometimes read Kristin Armstrong’s blog over on Runner’s World’s website, and one comment she made has really stuck with me since I read it a few years ago. She was interviewing Lance for the magazine after his first NY Marathon in 2007, asking him how biking made him feel. He turned the tables on her and asked her how running made her feel. Her one word response of “clean” has stayed with me. It is exactly how running makes me feel. Running scrubs away all of the surface dirt in my life and exposes what is deep inside me. Sometimes it reveals hard work and pride, and sometimes it’s tears and disappointment. At mile 20 of a marathon, there is no putting up a facade to please someone else. There is only my true self.
Since my pity party last post, I’ve been running and “cleaning”. I’ve been working to clear away the pain of the surgery and the disappointment of missing NY. I’ve been sweeping out old expectations of myself and my body. What is still there, exposed, is fear and uncertainty. But there is also a renewed desire to test this new body and mind that have been altered by cancer. If my previous races were like writing on a chalkboard, then I feel like I have been cleaning and erasing everything up until now. In some ways I’m a different person and, while I’m guessing this new person still can’t run much faster than a 10 minute mile, I wonder what she has to show for herself at mile 20.
I’ve decided to find out. After the Disney Half Marathon on January 8th, I’m hoping to have the final surgery for my reconstruction. Three weeks of no running will follow, and then the fun will start. The two goals for this season will be Chisago Half Iron distance triathlon in July and Marine Corps Marathon on October 30th. I’ll do an Olympic distance triathlon and run a few half marathons and some other road races to get ready. I’m hitting the gym, going to spin classes and running to build a good base for the season. I’ve lost a lot of fitness over the last couple of months, but I’m feeling good and was able to pound out the 7 mile training run on my schedule this week for the Disney Half. I’ve got a long way to go but I’m looking forward to the ride.
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Love your attitude, Beth. Sounds like a great year ahead for you. Wishing you all the best!
Go Beth go!!! Here is to wiping the slate clean and establishing some new goals to go after! I wish you nothing but the best, and I look forward to reading more about your pursuit of these next adventures.
Your post has such a feeling of hope and inspiration. I think that running makes me feel clean and fresh, there’s always the promise of being able to start over on a clean slate. Healthy, put together, rested and whole again. That’s your promise. Thanks for the honesty in this post and in your last one, it is humbling for me to read. Hugs to you, thanks again.
You are such an inspiration Beth! You can bet I’ll be taking peeks at your blog, even when I’m mostly unplugged…you inspire me constantly and remind me of the beautiful things in life! Thank you…
Hi Beth,
You are such a gifted writer. I always enjoy reading your posts because they are so (what you see is what you get and how you feel is what you say) if that makes any sense:) In short, you are honest and always positive. You will always try to find the sunshine in every negative and I love that about you. Clean slates are full of hope and excitement….it is the possibility of being better than before…and I don’t just mean faster…I mean the whole package. You have experienced something so powerful and it will change the way you look at things! You are going to do so well at Disney and I wish you the best of luck in your training:)
I have not been on a run in two weeks. We have had so much craziness in our lives over here. I know that my personal fitness is not where it should be. I will also be starting out with a clean slate. My first run will be tomorrow…an easy slow 5 miler:)
Take care Beth! Love and hugs:)
What Julie said.
You. Are. Beautiful!
I could not agree with you more about running being cleansing. After a certain amount of exhaustion, for lack of a better word, there is no pretense. and that’s what I love.
I also love that you are plowing ahead with some awesome plans for 2011. If planets align, maybe we’ll meet at Marine Corps. I’d love that too!
I agree, clean is the right word.
I like your attitude and I am sure you will reach all your goals.
I had a similar experience in 2007 I knew that I would have had the second and final surgery one year later but I planned everything how if it didn’t exist.
Good luck Beth.
It should be exciting to start back into your hardcore training. Best wishes!
Clean slate is good. You can do whatever you want, and I think that is refreshing. It sounds like 2011 will be a great year = the half iron is fantastic! I can’t wait to follow the journey!
Beth, thanks for the note. Nothing to worry about, I’m still here doing well and working out. For some reason I just have been so motivated to write about it. Don’t know why.
Anyway, I glad you seem to be doing well and have put forth some big goals for next year. That’s exciting stuff.
The name of your blog is so profound now.
You are doing what you can… yes… but it is turning out to be quite courageous and brave.
We are cheering.
“Running scrubs away all of the surface dirt in my life and exposes what is deep inside me.” I love that! It’s so true!
We are cheering for you, too. xoxo
Clean . . . that is a great analogy – I love it.
Running is such a simple act – something that we have been doing since we learned to walk . . . and yet at this stage runnng is such a powerful act. It is something that provides us power, fitness, escape, cleansing, challenges, friends and much, much more. Enjoy training for the Disney 1/2 marathon. Hope the weather up here cooperates and you can get some good runs in outside.
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